


six step cycle

by hongpikachu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, a little bit of mingkwan, implied underage drinking/smoking/clubbing, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/hongpikachu
Summary: a brief walk-through of how a breakup works between hansol and seungkwan
(inspired by a The Script song)





	six step cycle

_You've read the books_

_You've watched the shows_

_What's the best way no one knows_

_Meditate, get hypnotized_

_Anything to take it from your mind_

_But it won't go_

 

Tonight Seungkwan gently lays the book down and heaves a sigh. Surrounding his bed are piles of hard bounds, paperbacks, newspapers, magazines, all of those reading materials having one thing in common: articles about self help and moving on. How many articles he has read, it was all redundant.

 

Delete his number? Check!  
 

Burn all the letters? Check!

 

Clear all messages? Check!

 

Erase all trace of evidence? Check!

 

Except, he memorizes his number still, remembers every content and promise in all the letters, his favorite emoticons, the random good morning messages, the memory of his smile, his laugh, his voice. Everything. Physical evidence, he can forget, but not what’s in his mind.

 

And so before he sleeps, Seungkwan turns on the television, continuing the rerun of a melodrama he’s watched for three times already. And when he realizes it’s all pointless, he just lies down, closes his eyes, and let the teardrops lull him to sleep.

 

_You hit the drink, you take a toke_

_Watch the past go up in smoke_

_Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that_

_You're better now than ever, and your life's okay_

_Well it's not, no_

 

Tonight Hansol stumbles in his apartment, back laid on a pile of unkempt clothes, both clean and not, along with a stack of newspapers, bills, empty beer cans, and the air smells of cigarette from eight hours ago.  And his clothes carry the reek of sweat, smoke, weed, and vodka.

 

For the past two weeks he has come home like this, sometimes even bringing home a different woman for one night stands. However when the neighborhood falls quiet, the dogs stop to bark, the crickets decide to rest, he closes his eyes and wonders what he has been doing all his life.

 

He thinks of all the ‘glad to see you back here, man’s and ‘come on, enjoy your youth’s, how blissful the promise those statements hold, and how he’s not the least bit happy when he closes his eyes.

 

And tonight Hansol closes his eyes and falls asleep to the image of a smiling face, a vivacious laugh, girl group dances, an angelic voice, and the hopes that someday he’d be free of this nightmare to have that person in his arms again.

 

_You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too_

_Anyone who'll throw an arm around you_

 

“Get over it man, he was totally holding you back.” A chorus of agreement followed suit as Hansol was shooting hoops at the school basketball court. He wanted to say something, telling them that Boo Seungkwan has brought out the best of him, but all he does is shoot the ball, flash all of them a fake smile, and tell them that they’re right. Maybe that way, they’d stop talking about it and give him the peace of mind he’s longed for since the first day of their breakup.

 

_Tarot cards, gems and stones_

_Believing all that shit's gonna heal your soul_

 

“Capricorn and Aquarius, definitely not a good match.” Seungkwan can hear Seokmin’s small mumble beside him but he pretends not to hear the older. “Yeah, should we hook him up with a Scorpio? That foreign exchange student seems harmless and cute.” Soonyoung soon replied, and the two said men exchanged high fives. “So how about it, is Friday 7PM okay?” And without realizing it, Seungkwan just agreed to probably the seventh and probably still futile blind date. But maybe, just like all the other maybes, this could be the one to help him get over Chwe Hansol.

 

_You're only doing things out of desperation_

_You're goin' through six degrees of separation_

_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_

_What's gonna kill you is the second part_

_And the third, is when your world splits down the middle_

 

And Friday night came when Seungkwan and Minghao were sitting across each other at a local fast food near their university. The latter was sincere, nice, gentle, and had a cute accent while speaking. For the first time after all his friend’s attempts, maybe another shot at relationships isn’t so futile after all. Maybe this guy before him would be enough to fix up his brokenness, bring him back to being the loud and funny Boo Seungkwan of before.

 

Maybe Minghao will be the rain in his droughted heart.

 

_And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself_

_Fifth, you see them out with someone else_

_And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little_

 

And Friday night is when Hansol decides to grab a bite at the fastfood nearest to his friend’s place before he drowns himself in another night of music, dancing, weed, and booze. Tonight, however, he thinks twice and would probably just head home and make an excuse that he’s not feeling well.

 

And suddenly, the excuse just came true. On the corner of his eyes he saw the love of his life at a distant table, being his usual chatty self while wearing the brightest smile the world could ever witness. Suddenly his insides started to churn and he lost his appetite, but he still places the order, pays for the food, walks away, and jogs home to choke on his tears and guilt.

 

_No there's no starting over_

_Without finding closure_

_You'd take them back, no hesitation_

_That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation_

 

And at that night, when Seungkwan was back in his room, his phone rings. He picked it up and it was all quiet until he hears a voice on the other line, no coherent words, but more like choked sobs and mumbles that he couldn’t quite make out. The line went quiet again before the caller spoke, and this time Seungkwan clearly understands.

 

‘I miss you. I want you here. I’m stupid. I love you.’

 

Seungkwan doesn’t say anything during the pause, and Hansol spoke again.

 

‘I was wrong to ignore your phone calls. I’m sorry for yelling at you when all you did was care. I’m sorry for kissing someone else and telling my friends you were annoying. I didn’t mean to cancel our plans and hang out with my friends instead. I didn’t mean to miss your birthday. I was a bad boyfriend. Please give me another chance.’

 

_No, no, there ain't no help_

_It's every man for himself_

 

The call suddenly ended before Seungkwan could respond. But what else would he say? That he’s willing to take Hansol back? He’s willing to have his heart hurt once more? Seungkwan’s sure that he’s not ready for that yet. He’s not ready for anything. He needs more time to move on and let go. He also needs Hansol to let him go. He wants Hansol to know that the process of moving on needs them to learn to stand on their own two feet.

 

And so tonight he looks through the medical cabinet, takes out a bottle of the depressants he’s been recommended for the past two months, and pops one in his hand. He thinks to himself that maybe tomorrow he’d wake up to find out he’s fine and happy, that all of this is a nightmare.

 

He thinks he needs the extra kick to sleep peacefully tonight.

 

But he knows tomorrow it’s going to be the same.

  
 

_You're only doing things out of desperation_

_You're going through six degrees of separation_

**Author's Note:**

> i needed to spice up the verkwan tag with some angst
> 
> cross-posted on [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1104874/six-step-cycle-angst-seventeen-seungkwan-vernon-verkwan)


End file.
